1. Can't spell DUMB without DU. (Can't spell SUCCESS without CC.)

2. Attend DU and you too can spend in excess of $25,000 a year to sit amongst morons in class. I know, I've done it.

3. The Pioneers have a hawk for a mascot. What does this have to do with the name Pioneers? The school claims that the American pioneers saw hawks on their journeys across the plains, and is therefore appropriate. Whatever. Can we say "contrived?"

4. What is that new logo anyway? It looks like a Batman reject. On the bright side, I guess DU's new uplifting color scheme of maroon and darker maroon  is better than the ol' "ketchup and mustard" uniforms they used to lose in.

5. DU is on a huge building binge thanks to massive one-time donations. How do they expect to pay for upkeep on these buildings? They certainly haven't a clue about annual giving and cultivating a loyal alumni body.

6. Colorado's biggest Welfare Queen, Pat Bowlen, serves on DU's Board of Trustees. Of course, that goes along with #5. Since "Ol' Fur Coat And Leather Pants" only knows how to raise money by blackmailing taxpayers, he can't really help with ideas for paying for all those new buildings.

7. The ability to pay tuition always takes precedence over any dumb ol' SAT score.

8. Hey, I know a way to make a school better, let's make EVERY sport Division I. Yeah, that will work much better than raising admissions standards!

9. The Magness Arena has a crappy sound system. Plus, the dominant interior feature of the place are huge, ostentatious gold letters. Oh yeah, the DU team gets to look at the snack bar while they are on the bench. How inspiring it must be for them.

10. The DU Alumni Office had to call a CC alumni volunteer to find out how to organize a happy hour. A damn happy hour!  For future reference, the process is this: 1) pick a place; 2) mail postcards telling people what that place is; 3) show up.

Of course, this is from my personal observations. Your experience may differ, but I really doubt that.
 

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